im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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