i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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