As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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