my phone needs a breathalizer
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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