toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Mom said you looked used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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