Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
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I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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