He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize