I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize