that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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