I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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