I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i think im in europe. pls send help
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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