I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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