I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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