i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have fence marks all over my body
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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