I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize