The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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