He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
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He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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