You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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