the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize