I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
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Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
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Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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