On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
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His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
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I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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