can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
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