Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
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There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
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Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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