every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
