Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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