id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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