She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
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pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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