And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize