She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize