that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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