Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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