your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I look better un-naked...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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