I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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