my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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