If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize