i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize