Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
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Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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