what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
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My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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