How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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