Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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