I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize