If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
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I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
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Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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