I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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