i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
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her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
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My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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