I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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