She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize