he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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