I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
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So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
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can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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