My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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