how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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